You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
