He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
