we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
