Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
