Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
