You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
home. puking in laundry basket.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
