The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
