Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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