I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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