"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize