I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
