I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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