guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
