my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
