I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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