Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
