Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize