is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
