I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
