can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
