I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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