Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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