I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There's always time for handjobs
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
