then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
