I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
