My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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