i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
