Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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