i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
