Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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