the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
be right there i have to get my cape
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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