I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
