i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize