if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize