You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am available for nakedness
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