my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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