It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
