I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
