I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
