I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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