Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
