wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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