she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i think i just lost a toe
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
