If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
