i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
