its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
