I got chris browned last night
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
