all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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