Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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