you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
