Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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