i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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