The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
