So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
