is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
