I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
