he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
