She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
