Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
