Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
