have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
