I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
