woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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