I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
