You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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