We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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