Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize