Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I supernannyed him into submission
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
