Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
