Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
