John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
