your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
