I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
