Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
