I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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