I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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