Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My feet surprised me
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