all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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