I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
