I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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