So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
