If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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