At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
