Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
