My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
