the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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