No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
