Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
