can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
