I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
