Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
