worst night to have a conscience
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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