every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
