i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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