my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize