Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
