People in love make me want to vomit
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
