I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
