how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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