Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
