I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
