He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
