M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
